Up for air. Getting a clear breath.

By

Hello dear friends and readers,

To put it mildly, I've been through a season of devastation. I walked through the valley shadowed by the death of my dreams, the destruction of my expectations, and I collided with truths that left me weeping when awake, weeping while dreaming, and weeping while trying to understand my hearts utter breaking. I was in this graveyard until I had a vision I survived an apocalypse. I didn't know I would be alright until I saw myself walking away from the rubble in the vision GOD mercifully sent to let me know I would live and not die.

My first glimpses of hope came when I could think about the disappointment and not hate the one(s) who utterly disappointed me. The more I could see myself plainly, and learn how I contributed to my own suffering, the more I knew healing. I lived for months with my head swimming not sure if I knew what to hope for or if I knew what to pray for. I only knew that at the feet of JESUS I felt safe. With JESUS I felt secure.

My time of mourning my lost hope was incredibly painful. I mourned what I invested 30 years waiting for. I learned that somehow I had stopped hoping in GOD and was only hoping I would have what I hoped for. I mourned what I would never have in the 'snapshot of my fantasy and daydreamed future.' I mourned the 30 plus years aimed at the wrong goal and lost to a focus just short of the true will of GOD for my life.

It's taking far less time to write my journey through the wilderness of my soul than the nearly 2-1/2 years I lived in dismay.

I decided to write about how I know I'm healing and better for the pain. I know this destruction and cataclysmic upheaval has worked for my good because I do not hate anyone. Not 'them' and not myself. I have a new vision because after many 3AM, 4 AM, 5 AM times of prayer JESUS affirmed my heart with a new hope. The other hope I had carried for more than 30 years was demolished. JESUS gave me a new hope. A hope that is found in HIM alone. I do not cling to a hope full of prayers answered (like packages with address labels for specific destinations.)

I cleave only to the integrity of JESUS who will not fail me.

I am retained in grace and honor because I did not suffer this devastation because of sin. I did not endure this loss because of rebellion against the will of GOD. I did not violate the sanctity of my covenant with JESUS by committing a sexual sin.


I did create an idol of my desire. I did unseat my Savior with what I coveted most. I did lose my focus and needed to repent for my unfaithful heart.

The first commandment of GOD, 'Thou shall have no other gods before me.' I violated blindly and with desperate zeal. The imbalance and disobedience of my heart made an idol out of my craved desire. The only way JESUS could save me from the penalty of my sin, (which is death), was to utterly destroy the frail hope that was not founded in JESUS alone.

A few nights ago, JESUS kindly whispered, 'Shred every part of it. Delete every bit of it.'

I didn't flinch. I didn't hesitate. I didn't question HIS command. I obeyed JESUS and I am glad.

I am free now.

I am healing.

I have a new hope.

Although I cannot know, dear reader, where you are in your walk of faith. I know JESUS is with you. I do not know if you are scaling craggy mountains. I know JESUS is with you. I do not know if you are in a place where you are weeping and weighted with the sorrow of the loss of your dream(s). I know JESUS is with you.


Please believe me when I say, 'JESUS is Love and HE is with you, wherever you are.'



Feel free to shine,


OneLight


© M Del Publishing 2024. All rights reserved.

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